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Beauty is in the eye of the cupholder

November 12, 2012
tags: ,

Over the weekend, we picked up a brand spankin’ new (as of 2004 and 79,000 miles ago) Toyota Sienna. It’s red, and smells like a rental car. We have resisted this move for so long now that it hurts. While it really goes against every single fiber of my being, it allowed me to relive the awesome, monumental Swagger Wagon video.

How to look good in a minivan (and defy ownership):

  • Do not wear anything that might approach jeans, since at a glance they could be misinterpreted as Mom jeans. Similarly, yoga pants / Lululemon ANYTHING is off limits.  Athletic wear / denim = just coming from gym or grocery store in middle of day = minivan consumer.
  • Wear makeup. Wear a bold lip, and at least mascara. No chapstick, or for sure people will think the minivan is yours. Nude lip = no effort (even if it took effort) = minivan consumer.
  • For heaven’s sake, do your hair. Do NOT, under any circumstances, let it dry naturally as I did in the photo below. BAD. Unkempt hair = no time = harried mom = minivan consumer.
  • Wear heels. They can be wedges, if you must. No sneakers, no clogs, and for sure no Uggs. Uggs = was just walking around in bare feet at home and shoved my feet into whatever I could find to go pick up my kids = minivan consumer.
  • Wear sunglasses. Big ones, that cover the bags under your eyes. Bags under eyes = tired no sleep baby up all night = minivan consumer.
  • No travel mugs. Please. Travel mugs = I just made myself a cup of tea at home = minivan consumer.
  • No Big Gulps, or extra extra large donut shop coffee. Supersized drinks = I’m in the car all day long so need enough liquid to carry me through the day = minivan consumer.

What tips do you have for swaggering in your wagon?

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